@#$%&*#$@*&$%!

Sometimes I wonder, don't you think it is kinda sad when nobody notice it when you did something good but everyone will be pointing finger at you when you made a mistake... I'm speechless whenever these happened to me... I did fight back, of course I have to, in order to protect myself, but then, useless, nobody will understand and they will just stand firm with what they think, and continue pointing their finger to you... Ok, things happened for a reason, I will re-think what they said and absorb what is right but did they??

Don't you think it is funny when I'm just a little character in the office where everything that I did need to go through my so-called superior and when things happened, my superior told me that he fully agreed with those who attacking me that I made the mistake... He used the word FULLY AGREED man... Ok, now who is the one who check my work all these while?? who is the one who approve and sign on everything that I did all these while?? Shit!! I'm so DAMN ANGRY about it... Ok, those who know me well, you will know how angry am I when I used the word DAMN.. I'm very super extraordinary indescribable DAMN angry with it...

He did admit it is his mistake that he just signed without 'check properly' but at the next second he pushed the responsibility to me that I only let him signed when I'd arranged and done everything... Ok, my fault, so how about last month?? last last month?? and last last last last month?? I did the same thing every month and no one telling me that this is WRONG, if you also found out that this is a mistake, then you should've tell me earlier, much earlier, but not at this moment telling me I let you sign after I did everything or whatever shit you said... I'm ok if you point out my mistake at the very first time I did it, I will admit it and I will not repeat it again.. Now, months after months, when someone found out the mistake, you're telling me that you FULLY AGREE with them that my judgement is not good.. Ok, so how about yours?? I'm so damn angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next, when I discussed with the relevant department on something that I'd doubt, this will be interpreted by them as: Cannot judge and No stand point... Ok, so when I made the decision and it is wrong, what should it be called then?? Am I wrong to discuss something that I'd doubt? I thought we should ask when we don't know.. Correct me if I'm wrong... I totally cannot tolerate with it and I keep on explaining to him about my standpoint and my reason to discuss... Again, he said they had no confident with my judgement and he said he FULLY AGREED with it... What the shit he is talking about??? I haven't even made the decision yet and I'm just discuss for god's sake... Discuss = Judgement got problem???

This case is something about the payment of rental that we paid to the owner is less than the agreed amount because of the outstation cheque from my HQ, something to do with the outstation bank commission or whatever shit, the owner requested us to pay them the full amount in future.. So I asked Finance Dept on what we should do on this, if our side cannot tolerate with it, then I need to talk to the owner about this, or maybe KL branch to issue the cheque or whatever that can be done to be more beneficial for both parties, my point is, this is really as per agreement that we have to pay that certain amount, people never expect the cheque is from outstation or what... Ok, whatever is it, I just want to discuss, am I wrong??

I didn't expect you to protect me, I knew that I shouldn't be so naive long time ago, but please, don't join the group to attack me... Can't you all just be more understanding to put yourself in my shoes?? I admit my fault, I always do... If you know me well, you'll know I'm the kind that don't like making mistake and will blame myself very much whenever I made a mistake even a small tiny one...

I felt so helpless... Told my colleagues about it also they're all speechless... They don't even know how to react and comfort me... I always tell myself that I must be careful with what I did and I want to prove to them who attack me that I'm capable for what I'm doing right now... But you know how sad it is when he told me that he fully agreed with those who're attacking me intentionly or unintentionly all these while, I mean, I always want to do the best, and what I get in the end??

What is the point to stay in this company after all?

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

I want to cry already la!!!!!! =(