My 1 year working experience

My 1 year and 1 month working experience.. I think now is the right timing for me to blog about this, after my 1 year working experience, after my first appraisal last week... I wanted to blog about this last week but I don't have the time to do so as this will be quite a long one...

Being asked by my manager on Thursday at 6pm sharp to his office to discuss about the result of my appraisal and as usual, as per expected, lectured by him on something... I accepted some of his comments and advices, this is the way for me to improve myself, I definitely understand that, but I can't help but feeling down and sad after talked to him... You know what, the feeling is really bad to listen to others' comment on you, especially when it is not a good one.. I'd been think a lot after that... and I have the feeling of uncertainties, the feeling of not being appreciated and lack of self-confidence everytime I think about it... All the compliments that he gave during our first time discussion on my appraisal had disappeared and all covered by what he comment on Thursday... Guess my manager really need to improve the way he convey his message to his subordinates, I'm definitely not the only one who had this kind of feeling in my office but now is really my first time to really experience this kind of feeling.. So to my dear colleagues, I'm here to join you all... Haihz...

I did mentioned about some of the problems I faced which caused the inefficiency that he mentioned, but seems like it is really useless to talk about this to him, as if he will understand, just like what my colleague said... I felt funny when they said, welcome to share with us about your problems... Oh pls, I will never believe that anymore... and I'm naive enough to believe that... Gosh!! Anyway, I decided to think in a more positive way that this is their style to make us to be more independent and to become a better person in future, to think in this way can actually help me to lessen my dissatisfaction towards them... Argh!!! Coordination is definitely not an easy job, whatever happened, I have to prepare myself for the tons of questions thrown by them... I know I shouldn't use the 'fresh graduate or not much working experince' as an excuse, and I really have to emphasis that I never use that word to my manager or anyone in the office to cover my mistakes, BUT, sometimes, this is really the fact that I really don't have this kind of knowledge and experience to face all this workload... I never mentioned that as I know those who understand will understand and I will just do my part to try my best not to repeat the same mistake again... I felt helpless, eveytime when things happened, no one is there to guide me, I'm the one who have to solve it by myself, and they'll be standing aside, waiting for their turn to critize... I wonder do they ever appreciate or even notice my effort?? I hate those who are status-conscious.. I don't understand, is it so difficult to be a more friendly and understanding superior?? Is it so hard for them to praise or give a smiling face to their subordinates?? What is the point to build such a huge wall between them and their staffs?? So that we will be frightened? So that we'll be more hardworking? So that our performance will be better?? So that we will respect them?? Is that really works?? I doubt...

Some of my colleagues' advice to me is to be careful of those who always preparing to attack me... They said I'm actually the victim as I'm in the best position to be attacked by them... I thought we're under one roof, what is the point to attack each other?? I felt helpless, very helpless...

Is it the problems that everyone will be facing in our working life?? Is it true that nothing else we can do but to accept it??

Luckily, I still have my helpful and super kind and understanding colleagues with me.. They really helped me a lot all these while... They try to make me happy whenever they see me under-pressure or feeling down... They try to help me as much as possible whenever I'm in trouble... They try their best to protect me from any possible trouble... I think they will be the best colleagues I ever have in my entire working life... I really appreciate that, and I really appreciate with what Ng did last friday... I'm so touched~ He is the one who knew most of my working problems...

I have a presentation on friday on one of my proposal and honestly, I don't have the confidence anymore...

...............

I need some advice...